I realize that it's been quite some time since I've updated you on anything really. Over a year.
Often I find it difficult to summarize my thoughts into a coherent string of sentences.
I've decided to forgo that for a time and see what kind of word vomit I can produce and if I can get any feedback on it.
Here goes:
I hate my job. Well, I guess that's not entirely true, I very strongly dislike my job. Trouble is I can't really put my finger on why.
Part of it is probably due to how segregated I feel from the general populous while doing calculations (I'm a structural engineer...kind of our thing, or so I'm told). I just don't see the allure in sitting at a desk with my head down and not talking to people and grinding out calculations that I have no interest in.
Liken it to the monkey on the grinder box. I'll spin the handle over and over again, and I get some treats for doing so, but after a few weeks of the same song, it just becomes a task/reward scenario. I turn the wheel, I get a treat. I don't turn the wheel I get a treat to motivate me to keep turning the wheel. Very cyclic and not very interesting with no real room for outside thought.
Which is probably what troubles me. By no means am I a good engineer. I didn't study for and consequently failed the FE (Fundamentals of Engineering) exam in college. Just didn't have my heart in it then. After working for an engineering firm and seeing what it would be like to do this day in and day out for thirty to forty years, I've go no real designs on going back and attempting it again. I've also go no designs for achieving my PE (Professional Engineering) License. It just doesn't seem like something that I'm interested in pursuing.
Don't get me wrong, I know my way around the code and have spent quite a long time preparing welded connections to know how to put together a generic calculation. But the drive to learn more and do more in this field has been waning for some time. I don't know how to remedy this, but it's a simple fact for me at this point.
Furthermore, it's hard to get up and come to work everyday. It's not the commute, I've had a commute since I graduated college. The commute is a great time to read books since there's not much else to do. So I get to read for pleasure a lot more than I would otherwise find time for.
It's the work, and not the workers. The people that I deal with and talk to on a daily basis are actually quite nice people. They don't have the same condition I do though, most of them seem content to do the same things over and over again. Could just be a reflection of how sociable I think I am versus that of a stereotypical engineer.
Often at work I find myself distracted from my assigned task because it holds no intrinsic value or interest to me. Apparently at work I'm know as "the internet guy", which truly doesn't offend me in the slightest. It's quite nice to be recognized for a strength. I can find almost anything people are looking for or need on there, mostly because my distractions tend to lead me down the internet's pathways more often than not as I'm tied to a desk with access to it. I'm sure most people have an outlet that they go to for a quite respite or someplace for their mind to wander off to in times of boredom.
I'm quite familiar with youtube, to the point that if it had a first name, we'd be on a permanent, longstanding first-name basis with each other. I have over 150 subscriptions to different people on youtube. I watch most of their updates, but I've started to get more selective in what I watch. Mostly due to time constraints than anything else.
But I've taken a pretty serious digression there, back to work, and how I'm unhappy with my present situation.
I've talked to a handful of people regarding my situation. Most of them say to look someplace else, see what's available. But what do you put on that tagline, "College Engineering Graduate, willing to do anything but engineering calculations, and trade sexual favors for money". Doesn't seem like it'd get a lot of hits on monster.
Others have said to just suck it up and go back to pass the engineering exams I mentioned. But to what end? To further pigeon hole myself into a job that adds no value to me or my life other than a paycheck? There comes a time when money can't be the driving factor anymore. When you have to say, that I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and unhappy. Right?
Or is it just me? And I the only one deluded enough to think that way. If so, please let me know and I'll toe the line like everyone else. But I have to believe that there's a career path that doesn't make me feel like this. A career path where the goal isn't just to work long enough so I can retire and not have to work anymore because at 28 that's a long hard road of misery and strife.
So what should I do? Should I go back to school even though I'm not done paying my student loans from my bachelor's degree? If so, then what should I go to school for? I'm open to whatever options present themselves. Please feel free to email me or message me on Google+. Relatively few times will you find me far from reach of the internet, both at work and at home.
Some basic pointers slash things I don't want to do:
- I'm not good at public speaking and don't really care to become proficient.
- I'm not very aggressive or even overly assertive, so a sales position and I would not be a good fit.
- I'm not interested in the sex market or sex trade, don't really think this needs further explaination.
- I'm probably not the type to get motivated by commission type positions (i.e., sales, see above).
- I'm not great at high pressure, high stress, and long hours (or any combination of the three).
Some things that have been suggested:
- Teacher (Public speaking's a no-no).
- Accountant (Don't think I'd handle the stress of tax season too well).
- Stay at home Dad (Possibly in the cards, no kids as of yet though).
- Something in the medical field.
I guess that's all that I remember anyway. So I ask you Internet old friend, what insights can you provide me. What knowledge are you willing to bestow? I am,
Sincerely,
Corey
